Ironic Blunders of Your Mamma's Rats

The Good Mother

2005-08-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

Someone seemed to banging on the wall outside the kitchen. I open the back door to see what the commotion was about and there was my 86 year old neighbor Mother Whittington. She was sporting a lofty, bright pink, straw hat that matched her cardigan. Perhaps she was too out of her mind to knock on the door so she took to pounding up against the wall and rambling aloud things like "Hey Hey in the there!" and "Uh hello.. hello?" All that sounded very muffled and animated through the kitchen window where an over worked fan resides. I thought for sure someone was lost or had hurt themselves and was calling out for help.

It turns out I'd left my car lights on. With Mother Whittington it is never just hello or thanks and go on about your merry business. Oh NO. Its hello or thanks and lets talk for 27 minutes. So I turn out my lights and thank her. All while eying my housing, hoping that me having no shoes on and practically lurching toward the gate of the backyard would give her the indication that I was busy... in other words not ready to commit the next 26 minutes of my life hearing about getting her one over-sized golden tooth fixed or about how she needs help with this or that, or about how long she has lived in her house (since 1956) or about her old Cadillac or about the condition of her yard. But sure enough there I stood listening to her again with a half smile on my face touching her shoulder gingerly every time she said something remotely funny.

I'm just a sucker. At any moment I could have gotten out there but instead I took a comfy resting position leaning up against my old tin can of a car and settled in for the long haul. Thank goodness my housemate had come outside just then. She had bags in her hands and was clearly going somewhere -I could use that to my advantage and leave when she departed.

Mother Whittington stands about 5 feet 6 inches off the ground. The hats she wears make her look shorter somehow. Maybe it is because she always has a hat on. Or perhaps it’s the height above her head that her hats take up. Sometime she cloaks her head with white or red church hats that resemble flying saucers with huge bellowing flowers drooping over the sides.

Peering up at us under her Barbie pink hat Mother Whittington began to drag on about her good health. She boasted, "I'm in great health. I tell you I look around and my brotha's sick, my niece is sick, my this one and my that one is sick.. but oh no not me!"

What happened next is something I want to do when I'm 86. Mother Whittington continued, "I'm 86 and I can bring em up and bring em down and dance all around!" She was referring to her legs and as she talked she stomped them up and down and crowed around like chicken chasing at something behind it.

Lanna and I glance over to each other both looking for a signal to jump ship, and to share a raised brow at the hilarity of what we had just witnessed. Thus began our retreat to our backyard which was counter-acted with "Pretty in Pink" inching closer.

It was a bit of a strange dance. It was a deleted scene from the urban remake of "West Side Story." We took one step backward she took two steps forward. She singing John Prine's "Hello in There" and us singing Madonna's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

We all had danced practically into our backyard where I had might her 27 minutes ago when "The Good Mother" caught on that WE WERE GOING INSIDE. The music faded out. "Ya'll take care and don't mind my messy yard," she said. We said our final goodbyes. I chuckled softly as I stepped barefoot into the serenity of the house.

Update This

2005-03-11T00:49:00.000-05:00

Some recent accomplishments:

-learned how to drive "THE STICK"
-3 months into my Education Specialist position at my favourite non profit Solar Youth!
-wrote a new song in collaboration with my buddy Kevin.. who plays the bass
-DROVE IN THE F-ING SNOW!
-survived the grouling month of February
-survived watching the Oscars.. the techy awards killed me!
-I have joined thousands of peeps and joined Netflix.. I like it.
-Homemade pizza never tasted so good. I've made 12 to date and my oh my are they a treat!

Some things that just plain suck:

-I got a paper cut the other day inbetwix my fingers. But really it was more like a posterboard cut.. ouchy.
-The month of February in Connecticut
-The cost of gas went up about 20 cents in the past 2 weeks!
-My friends told my voice mail message is too long and annoying. They tried their best to break it to me gently.. but I took it personal anyway. Now I have a plain boring message like the rest of America. I sound half alive and pathetic.
-My 16 year old cat was run over last month.. by my step dad. Boooooooooooo!
-No matter how old you are when parents aren't happy things kinda blow.
- And relationships are like Yo-Yos... I've never had one that didn't break or get lost.

Some things that make me purr:

- I highly recommend West Soy's Chocolate Shake!! It's like heaven folks.
- New bedding from IKEA! Wondrous place.. really.. get there.
- The days are getting longer!
- Sleeping in on Saturday mornings and Sunday naps

Upcoming Blogs:
Looking Back on Chicago
Live on the Scene
Rainbow Country: Part I

Over Our Heads

2005-01-08T17:42:00.000-05:00

Visiting home lends itself well to seeing movies. Here are my latest reviews:

Blade Trinity: * 1/2 stars
Great action scenes. Plenty of comic relief (literally and figuratively). Predictable the way these movies tend to be. With his acting ability it won't be to far long before Wesley Snipes is running for governor of some western state. With lines like "Bring it on motherfucker," and " I forgot my sword," Snipes is working his way toward Arnoldisms. Parker Posey really looks like a vampire too.. even without the fangs. Wait for it to come to a video store near you and rent it when you have nothing better to do. This is a movie you can have a conversation through and not miss much.

Lemony Snickets: Series Of Unfortunate Events: *** stars
Never heard of the book. Excellent screenplay. Things will seem very bright when you come out of the theatre after seeing this because:

1) This is filmed like a fairy tale on crack
2) None of the scenes are filmed on a sunny day
3) The humor is very dark

The toddler in this film is cute to boot and Meryl Streep plays her role extremely well. Jim Carey's role was tailor fit. The mix of modern and gothic themes makes this one a classic. Jude Law's voice is as enchanting as his looks. He is the narrorator of this morbid mystery. See it in the theatres!!

The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou: *** 1/2 stars

They are rocking the Addias in this film. It's all about water and the plot is murky, tenacious and jerky. Artsy cinematography. Wickedly diverse cast. Angelica Houston looked really bad in this film- its called Botox girl and ya need some! I would have preferred Luke Wilson in Owen Wilson's role in this one. Great humor. Strange transitions. See this one in the comfort of your own living room.

Meet The Fockers: *** stars

A bit randy, torrid if you will. Full of sexual humor. Ben Stiller does it again with off the beating path tricks. Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand are the funniest couple ever!! Lots of unpredictable moments. I laughed about every 2 minutes. If you never saw Meet The Parents you will easily follow this movie not to mention it’s an equally entertaining follow-up! There's a great scene when the two families come together for a toast. Before the toast is made Streisand takes a drink of her wine.. she gets the evil eye and then without skipping a beat spits it back out into her glass. She has that look like "What I'd do?" on her face. Peppered with scenes like this Meet The Fockers is a movie add to your collection.

For decades now across the world in movie theatres everywhere, little particles of light stream over our heads and hit a big white screen showing us “Coming Distractions” and featured films. Something struck me after my movie mania. Times have changed. In the 80's megaplexes did not exist. The place where I saw 3 of these 4 movies housed 25 screens!! Is bigger better? I don't know how I feel about that in this instance. Movie going used to feel like a social event and now it seems more like a quick fix. Either way get out there catch some flix, sneak in your own candy and enjoy the show!!

On the Bus

2004-12-01T23:24:00.000-05:00

I have the pleasure of taking the bus to work every morning. This one particular morning I had barely made it to the bus stop on time. Because it was so snuggly warm in my blankets and cold and wet outside my window I waited to the last second to spring out of bed and into my morning routine. I counted down from 10 to 1 at least 3 times before my bare feet finally hit the cold wooden floor. I have this routine measured perfectly.

It was tricky to measure as first because all 5 clocks in my apartment have different times- off by a minute or so of it other. So by a process of elimination over some months I chose my cell phone time to be my running mate; the clock in the living room with blue trim to play the role of April Fool's; the round clock with black trim in the kitchen to be the Devil's Advocate; the computer clock became my "OH SHIT" clock because I always forget it's ridiculously fast; since I can remember I have consciously set my alarm clock, with slimy green digital numbers, fast by x amount of minutes, so it's always fast. However when I realize exactly how fast it is that becomes dangerous.

Yes my cell phone is my running mate because she acts as my second alarm clock. It is 90% of the time that her tune set to the "Caribbean" is the final catalyst to my stiff feet hitting the floor. It is my cell phone's time that is in harmony with Connecticut Transit time... it's quite amazing.

Important Memo

2004-12-01T20:28:00.000-05:00

In the past 3 weeks my brother has gotten engaged, 2 of my friends have announced they'll soon to wed, and a dear friend (who is already married) has just found out she's got one is the oven!! Meanwhile, I'm still twiddling my thumbs and wondering if he likes me or if he likes me likes me. Geez I guess I didn't get that memo. I am really happy for every one of them... all jokes aside... I really am. But it's almost seems like they got together mid-October over apple cider and ginger snaps and carefully calculated the order of the announcements not to mention the time in between each one.
Just when I'd stopped thinking about in-laws, the possibility of becoming an aunt, wedding gowns and rehearsals... BOoM_&^%$#!.. One wedding invitation. No joke a week to the day later.. BAM!&*! A second wedding invitation. The swirling vision of cakes, flowers, traveling, tears, and giggles was just out of sight. Then yesterday I found out the young lady I fondly remember having a spitting contest with in college with was with child... she won by the way.
So now I can add little knitted hats and booties to that swirling vision of delight. I'm also waiting for next week's surprise... so bring it on!!

Entry by Oops

2004-11-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

I became a Bahai in December 2002. My Bahai experience has had mind blowing highs and confusing lows. My ride with Faith has flung me face to face with one of my deepest beliefs... I don't believe in the concept of God coming back to Earth in the form of a man to teach us lessons on how to live correctly. I don’t know what I believe but surely not that. Like many religions the Bahai Faith is based on this premise. My story is interesting.

I moved to a city in Connecticut earlier this year and within months was elected onto the LSA (Local Spiritual Assembly). I had no clear idea of the inner-workings of the Bahai Faith and found it appalling to be voted onto a committee when I hadn't any clue as to what was going on or any real expressed interest with being on such a committee.
In a Bahai community (I learned) if you are an adult your name is put on a list, whether you want it to be or not, and from that list the community votes 9 members onto the LSA. I took me by surprise that I was voted onto the LSA because I'm not a "deepened" Bahai (meaning I don't know much about it) and was new to the city. Yet a part of me felt honored and happy to be affiliated with this group. That feeling lasted as long as a sneeze.
A few meetings went by and I knew for sure this LSA stuff was not for me. Aside from the assembly being very overbearing, disorganized and conceited, the meetings were on Sunday or Saturday mornings and ran from 10am to 1pm. When I expressed my interest in resigning I was met with unfriendly eyes and surprised "Whys?"

It wasn't like a wanted to completely walk away from the faith, but to be on the LSA was too much too soon for me. I didn't want to spend my weekend mornings contemplating a divorced couple’s "year of waiting" or puttiing my two cents in on such topics equivalent to…how the Bahai Faith is posted in the yellow pages.... should it go under Church or should the seeker find the Faith listed under Religion? The events that unfolded however pushed me to reexamine my belief system and eventually led to me seeking to become an ex-Bahai.

I was told to write a letter on why I wanted to resign and to hand it into the LSA and that would be that. After the "issue" had be tabled for several WEEKS I was told that LSA had looked in the sacred book of laws and that actually I would have to be next to “death” to officially resign. So I was told wait until some vacationing members returned in autumn and then they would consult and make a decision as to either accept or decline my resignation. The entire concept bothered me deeply. I waited in earnest for the weather to cool and the leaves to change colors and in late summer enough members were back to finally consult on my "issue".
I was asked to leave the meeting while they talked about me and came to a consensus. When I came back they were busy mulling over some other thing on the agenda and spiritedly told me they made their decision and that I would get a letter in the mail.
"A letter!" I thought, " I didn't waste my Sunday morning, dubiously waiting outside like a dog, to get a fucking letter in the mail." I thought cowardly of them for not just telling me then. Why waste a stamp?

I didn't have time to be thoroughly annoyed when I received the letter in the mail later that week. It stated some Bahai quotes, including that one about being next to death in order to resign from the LSA. In conclusion they decided I was to stay on the LSA but "ultimately" the decision was mine to come to the meetings or not. Ultimately I ripped the letter up and dashed out the door… I was late for a dinner with a non-Bahai.
This was my breaking point with the Bahai Faith. I have completely removed myself from the community, save for being roommates with the main artery of area... She who is the Area Coordinator…she who has been planning a Devotional for several months... she who weekly attends Ruhi meetings…goes to Cluster meetings…Feasts and faithfully wears a Bahai ring around her neck day and night. I DO NOT criticize her for her beliefs in anyway, but between the two of us I find the juxtaposition extraordinarily unnerving.
I dove into this spiritual pool and decided to not adapt to its waters. Meanwhile, she snorkels daily and is gleefully teaching beginners the backstroke.

This whole funk with the LSA made me think about the Faith more carefully. Who made this "Book of Laws"? Was it God? Or God in the form of the prophet of the Bahai faith..Baha'u'llah?
The situation allowed me to reflect on what I really believe in and what I'm willing to follow. And like returning on a dark, cold winter night to the warmth and glow of your home, I entered into my heart of hearts and warmed my fingers over the fire that is my truth and knowing.

So now I'm at a point where I feel I need to officially disconnect with the Bahai Faith. When you “become” a Bahai you have to sign a form, which gets mailed to the National Spiritual Assembly (NSA…located in Wilmette, Illinois). Some weeks later you receive a membership card in the mail. If I recall correctly there is a picture of the Universal House of Justice (UHJ...located in Haifa) on the card and a multi-digit number. I am relying on my memory because I lost the card within weeks of having it. It seems so foreign to me to receive a card. Had I become a member of Costco? Could I use the card at movie theaters? Surely, I could earn some frequent flyer miles. Honestly, the card is used to track your location, activity and to give you access to the hottest Bahai Websites on the net.

I know this all seems contrite and seething. At one point the Faith was amazing to me with its diversity and cultivation of spiritual community I was in love with “being” a Bahai. What they say about ignorance being bliss couldn’t be more accurate in describing my experience with the Faith. The more I learned about it the more I realized it was not a good spiritual fit. It has been an interesting two years and by 2005 I will be among the ranks of ex-bahais. I just need to find out how.

Tips of Toes

2004-10-15T20:15:00.000-04:00

I was fed up. Fed up with how slow things went. Even though we travel so quickly through time and space and around the sun- things just don't move quick enough. I wanted to give into all of my weaknesses but there was something strong and invisible keeping me from it. I wanted to scream and throw things around and have a fit just like in my childhood, but, this great unknowable something held me upright! I wanted to curse and bite things and wallow in hatred, but, some unfathomable energy held me from it. I wanted to crawl under a bed and die quietly without anyone's knowledge, discretely in the dark.. but I couldn't. So I grew hot with anger and rage until tears paraded down my cheeks. Then I fell into bed feeling nothing and numb like an unused eraser. And I lay there with headache pounding and snot running down the back of my throat, eyes red with dread of who I had become. Selfish.. I am so selfish... and no religion, faith or mystic reckoning will change that. I am wanton beyond belief and the truth spills from my mouth like a flooding river. I just can't help but being overcome with emotion. Wild emotions are! Coming unannounced and without welcome! COLD they can be but in an instant hot.. so inhuman they seem. And in this state of distantness came a sprinkling of clarity, like a rain shower that comes out of nowhere then is gone. And cowering in the darkness of my room with pillows wet with tears truth kissed me.

I was afraid of this "thing" because I did not know what it was. I denied myself of knowing it. I told myself at a young age it was a lie... a man-made lie. A lie made to weaken the molds of women and to give men an excuse to murder. As the years peeled away this "thing" grew stronger in affect as when one peels an onion. The more I denied "it" the more it began to seep and pour into every orifice of my life. Yes.. everyone knows it, sings a song about, writes endlessly about.. and now I have become among the ranks.. this love has really got me stumped. Do I need it or does it need me?? Where does it come from? Who made this force that pulls one from the cellar of doubt and despair? Does it come from within? How?

I am in awe, but am a believer of love, in all of it's many forms. In teenage years I was resentful of it and those who seemed to skip and dance on it's wings. Yesterday, I loathed it and it's forgiving tones that blow strong as the seasons change.

Today I sit humbled and quiet as I look at this unbreakable thread that ties family and friends, husband and wife, brother and sister, contemporary and ancestor, history and future, knowledge and power together in an unquestionably intricate design.

America Has A Green Thumb

2004-08-21T15:11:00.000-04:00


Bush is a lying coward- he started a war under false



pretenses. A leader is judged by their actions.



Without  support of the UN Bush invaded another country



under the camouflage of EVIDENCE of weapons of mass



destruction to gain larger control of Iraq's major



asset: OIL. A child can see that. Thousands of people



died-- for what? Is life sooooo much better for Iraqis



now? What about for the families of the American women



and men who died? What about the 9/11 victims and their



families? He used the bleeding heart of America for



his own political agenda. Where are the weapons of MASS DESTRUCTION, where are



the people who are behind destroying the NYC skyline,



where is justice?? It is hard for me to trust a man



who basically stole an election.





Democracy is like a beautiful tree- it starts as a



seed with everything it needs to operate. Planted in a



desert it will not take root; planted in a flood plain



it will drown. The conditions have to be right for it



to grow, take strong root and sustain itself.  Lets



just face it America is an Empire. We are slowly



taking over countries one at a time, setting up puppet



governments in them and investing in the resources



that are there. We think we can take our seed a make



it grow wherever we want. So we send troops to force



it onto other countries, we send troops to till the



landscape,which might mean blowing things up and



killing thousands of people, we send troops to watch



over the seed as it grows- disarming whomever might



want to uproot the tree. How long must we stay and



protect democracy?? Who's next??  Russia posed too



much of a resistance and threat to us. So Reagan and



Bush Sr got in bed with them. We've pimped out China.





Just what does Bush have I mind? He is going to pass



away someday just like everybody else.. all his



money,strings and connections will dwindle and fade.



The point is he is in a position of power that effects the



Americans that voted for him and the majority of



Americans who didn't... yeah I dislike the way he



leads the country and I'm not afraid to voice my



opinion about that turkey necked freak.

Exit 26

2004-08-14T16:44:00.000-04:00

I heard a thud. I woke up foggy eyed. I still had my contacts in, when I blinked they did not move or make me see clearer. Was I dreaming or was I really sleeping in a car in the right lane of Interstate 91 in Northern Vermont. Yes.. yes I was. It was really foggy out and the car windows were imprinted our breath which made it really hard to see outta them. I heard a thud again and this time felt it too. It was followed by a drunken outburst, "PHISH!" then, "VERRRRRRRrMMoNNNNT!" I opened the car door into the darkness and asked the crew boisterous lads to kindly not hit our vehicle. Sheepishly they agreed. I slammed the door and tried to go back to sleep. Looking at the clock I realized is was 12:43 am. My friend and I had been in the same spot stuck in motionless traffic for a little over 7 hours at the point. As the dome light faded an 18 wheeler WHOOSED! by on our left rocking the Subaru just enough to unsettle my nerves as I fought to fall asleep. The previous daylight hours included leaving New Haven, CT at 10:30 am, driving up I-91 for 5 hours and coming to a complete hault on the freeway.

It was about 4:30 p.m. when we hit the mosaic of endless automobiles ahead of us. It was not long after that that the tail of this metal monster grew quickly and as far as the eye could see behind us. Between our arrival and DARK:30 kindred PHISH fans moved their cars between 5 to 50 feet at a time every half hour or so. Inbetween that we mingled with each other in the corridor that was formed by the right lane and the shoulder(which also had become a lane of endless traffic). The left lane was clear for other travellers to get up to their northernly destinations and also for sneaky Phisheads to cut in line!

Anyway back to the Corridor of Delight: We met people that travelled as far as Oregon and Washington State to see the final Phish show. Phish is a band with boundless talent. They have been togther since the early 90's and even though their fans hate to compare them to The Grateful Dead- their like Grateful Dead. Unfortunatly for music lovers the band is breaking up and August 14-15th is their last show.

There were ladies, gents, 40 somehthings, kids barely pushing legal, dogs and even some little kids that made of the Phish Train and the resulting Corridor of Delight. Everyone was hopeful and told you their story of how long, how far, how many shows they'd been to. Above all everyone without speaking enacted the story of peace. There were literally thousands of cars in line. Even though trash was a problem thousands of people created a warm, loving vibe as we inched toward Exit 26. We were 20 miles away from the exit and another 12 miles from Coventry Airport where the hippy jam band deluxe would play the following day at 5 pm. I've waited in line at the gas station and gotten flustered, but there was something totally chill about the wait and by DARK:30 we had been waiting 5 hours. The calm and peacefulness took all the angst out of waiting- and wait we did.

Previous to our arrival it had rained for at least two days. During our drive up we got caught in some nasty down pours too. Nature was not on our side. As the light travelling from billions of mile away faded through the cloud cover scores of earth travellers climbed in their cars, trucks, SUVs, RV's and other things with wheels and snuggled up with a blanket and attempted to sleep. Always watchful for the color of red brake lights from cars ahead (because that meant we were moving) Phishers balanced in the night hours suspended between the surreal waking world and the allure of much needed sleep.

The clouds were high and clearing as the sun revealed itself Saturday morning. At 6:38 I saw folks playing frisbee in the left lane and young guys holding beer bottles in the Corridor of Delight. I took a lengthy stroll down the corridor following the flow of what would be traffic. Lots of Phishers were still asleep but many ate bagels, used bottled water to brush their teeth, and smoked various smokey things that smoked. I walked for a good mile when I realized traffic had not moved for 14 hours. In back of my mind I knew something was wrong.

From where we were on I-91 the view was spectacular. Layer after layer of green hills and mountains painted the back drop, wild flowers sang on the sides of the road and finally after a day the distant sun shone softly. The light warmed my back as I retraced my footsteps toward the car. It was like a moving city and it was great! My walk had induced a movement- while I had a movement of the bowels Phish fans experienced their first traffic movement in over 14 hours. As I walked to the side of the road and into the deep dark woods- to do my movement- I heard horns honking and people cheering fore they had displaced 60 feet in less that 30 seconds. After climbing down the hill and reaching the side of the road-feeling quite relieved might I add- I realized the car was gone and I had to find it.

As I walked up the Corridor of Delight the Phish Train moved again. So traffic was shuffling on both sides of me as I causually walked, waving at drivers as I passed them. I was walking faster than traffic was moving! After awhile I found my friend and the car. The scene was charged with excitment- we had all travelled far and hard, slept in traffic overnight, used the Facilatree and roughed the weather and WE WERE GOING TO SEE PHISH! Traffic hadn't moved in for awhile when someone yelled "RADIO UPDATE! TRAFFIC REPORT!" We all got quiet and tuned into to Bunny Radio the official Phish Coverage Station. In less than a minute a Phish Member and the Vermont State Police made hundreds of thousands of hours of driving in vein.

The Millie Vanille? Brothers once sang a song called "Don't Blame It On the Rain" but in our case it was just that that turned a scene of hope and peace into sea of screams, rage and dishovled looks. Due to public safety ordinaces between 30-40 THOUSAND people were turned away from the entrance gates and told to go home. It was true the camp ground that was due to hold 70,000 Phish Fans became so wrought with rain that when cars drove on it they would sink into the mud and have to towed away. My ears became hot as I listened to the announcement over the radio. Only 20,000 ticket holders actually had gotten in when we started south bound on I-91. We were swearing and cursing and screaming and crying as we drove.

As we bitterly peered across the divider moving in the southernly direction our eyes soaked up the seriousness of the issue as they saw the north bound traffic backed up for at least another 15 miles- We had been 30 miles total from the gate. We never made it to Exit 26, nor to Route 5 North nor Airport Road leading to where it would all take place. This was to be my first Phish show and their last one. I hope somehow they can make it up to all their die hard fans that came to support them and even to the newbees like me. The friend I was with said it best, "It wasn't a good experience or a bad experience, but definately an experience."------

Do You 444?

2004-07-04T18:41:00.000-04:00

It was the summer of 1999. I was home from college. It had been a fun filled day of hanging with my older brother in downtown Houston. We crashed at his place instead of heading out to the super suburbs where our folks live. It was like we were little again, we shared one bed and slept head to toe. I love him. Anyway, I fell asleep hard and fast. The dream I dreamt would stay with me forever.

The dream started off normal regenerating the day's events in an soft, airy light. My brother and I were riding on the city bus talking and goofing on each other. I was sitting in the window seat. I could tell my brother was smiling as he was talked as I gazed out the window unto the congested city street... to be continued

Smoldering

2004-06-28T12:25:00.000-04:00

I urge you to see Fahrenheit 911. Fahrenheit 451 is the temperature at which paper burns. The book of this title written by Ray Bradbury is one of censorship. Michael Moore's latest movie I would say is one of the censoring of our very freedom. Power is Knowledge and often times the citizens of this country are powerless and the "knowledge" is packaged for us.
There was an initial conflagration of anger and guilt that ravaged my mind after seeing the documentary last night. After leaving the theatre, during the drive home watching the post industrial scenery, half listening to what my friends were saying about the film, feeling the pull of gravity as we zoomed across the landscape in smooth vectors and sharp curves my outrage simmered into a blanket of empathic and calculating embers that fell across my body like fireworks.

Yes, the processing of these feelings was like a fireworks show. Loud thundering booms exploding, bright and distinct. Then slowly spidering across the sky of my body only to be followed up by the loud clap of another distinct emotion. Powerful. Violently raping the quiet peaceful sky with sound and light. When I closed the car door and entered the chilly night air my burning did not cease. It will simmer waiting to burn the very essence of injustice. As I heard the teapot whistle I thought, "But how?" This is where my headache revolves. How? To what end? By myself our with many? Who will listen? Who will care? How do I destroy injustice in my own way? How do I reclaim the power of knowledge? I closed my eyes and fell asleep feeling unsure yet empowered.

See the movie. Vote in November. Buy the DVD. Make your friend watch it, your neighbors too. Talk, talk, talk. Network. Take a deep breath and dive in.

Ciao

The Age Old Question: What is Love?

2004-06-24T19:23:00.000-04:00

A deep and centering feeling. It does not back down or forget. Makes you look at yourself and rejoice. If you have any doubt its not love. Feels like a sickness sometimes-taking over all thoughts. Comforting, so comforting replacing fear with fizz and tingle. How can a feeling be so influential?

Irony

2004-06-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

The other day I was listening to Ray Charles' "America" while I was reading the lastest AdBusters magazine. The article was historically stating how the immigrants that came to North America in the early 1500's sytematically killed the buffalo and Native Americans that thrived here for centuries. There was a picture that showed the immigrants shooting buffalo, another picture showed buffalo corpses littered across an a plain. Just then Ray Charles savory voice warmed "I'm talkin' about America, America, God shed his grace on thee." I motioned to turn the CD off but decided not to and lingered in that moment of stiff irony. My eyes swelled with disillusioned tears as the history of America zipped quickly through my mind. The type of "brotherhood" that shaped America is not congruent with the "brotherhood" in our should be national anthem. Perhaps the reality of a truly beautiful country died with Ray Charles last week too.